with your own penis?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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