Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
