Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
