why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
