you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
