just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
