Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
