woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
