Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
