the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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