Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
