I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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