Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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