So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
