Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
