Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
