There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
