Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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