I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
