he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
