My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
