I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
