Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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