My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he shaved USA in his pubs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
