Kiss
Puke
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
