Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
