the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
