I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
