Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
