somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
