im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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