We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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