And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
