Don't make out with my wife yet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
