Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
