my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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