Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
