He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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