Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
