my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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