I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
