I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
