his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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