Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
