May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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