i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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