I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
