its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
