Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
