we made out on top of his cat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
